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Dear Hands-on,
First of all, it’s great news that you are able to achieve orgasm with masturbation. This demonstrates that you are physically able to be orgasmic. Now all you need to come during sex is the right partner and a little patience.
Since you are able to come by yourself, there is a good chance it might be self-consciousness or insecurity that is holding you back with your partner. You need to be able to feel completely comfortable with that person, and never feel pressured or judged. If you simply can’t relax with your boyfriend, you need to examine why—and possibly find a new one.
The next step is to try to replicate the sensations that bring you to orgasm during masturbation with your partner. If you feel comfortable, try masturbating yourself in front of him to show him how it’s done. (Bonus: this can be a hue turn-on for both of you!) Then try to have him stimulate you in the same way, whether it’s manually or with a dildo or vibrator. Don’t be afraid to coach him on his technique; if he’s worth his salt, he’ll really want to get it right. The key here is patience: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again! The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it will be to relax enough to have an orgasm, so enjoy the process.
If your partner can make you come manually by imitating the way you masturbate, move on to oral sex or penetration, again using the same stimulation techniques. Try using a vibrator or manual stimulation in combination with oral sex/intercourse. Experiment with different positions; if it feels right and you’re getting the pressure and friction you need, you’ll know it. If not, adjust as needed. Most of all, don’t forget to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.
The Sexpert |
